I'M WAITING FOR CHOCOLATE AIR

1939 prudence penny cookbook - pictures

Thu, 08 May 2008 01:06:06 GMT

i dont know when exactly food photography changed but it used to be WAY better. they didnt use nonfood bullshit to make stuff that looks like food, they made the actual dish and took pictures, and if it looked weird and gross, well thats simply the way it was and you thought it looked delicious anyway

both inside covers have this picture i totally love:

the black and white pictures all have great comments from various food sponsors:

this thing looks f-ing foul, i wish it was in color

....THE LORDLY LOBSTER IS STILL THE ARISTOCRAT OF THE FESTIVE OCCASION

1939 prudence penny cookbook - recipes

Thu, 08 May 2008 00:55:42 GMT

our nextdoor neighbor pat is cleaning out his house and with me being the ultimate scavenger i've gotten a ton of amazing stuff - hanging lamps from the 1960s-70s, a beautiful wooden dresser that weighs like 7000 pounds, a plastic light up cathedral that plays "silent night", a bamboo chair with matching ottoman, oh man theres more too. i love free stuff and pat definitely exceeded my expectations with all of this awesome free stuff.

one of the books i got was an old cookbook and i havent stopped looking at it because if you werent aware old cookbooks are fucking incredible. i scanned in some of my favorite pages, i'll post the recipes here and the pictures in the next post

pretty much

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:20:47 GMT

omg what is a chilibonker? one of bob's childhood friends was nicknamed "lil joker 2" [because there was already a lil joker around], so i hope its someone's street name.

the nearest sears is not within walking distance, and i didnt even know they had carts

there are so many amazing houses in the neighborhood but i feel weird taking pictures because the people living in them are always home [lots of old people and stay at home moms and daycare providers] and i dont want them thinking im a creep, i just like their house

this is my second favorite house on the block. theres a lot of houses painted amazing colors but this one really jumps out at you, plus the front yard is incredible.

these are two seperate houses, but the design scheme of an entirely paved front yard with a ton of garden statues and fountains is quite popular. in the second picture the plants are even fake

cant stop north hayward, bitches

grumpus rant

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 21:01:34 GMT

theres a bunch of preggo chicks and new babies popping up in the periphery of my life and it used to not be a big deal, but old people and idiots totally think that since i have a uterus and i'm partnered with a y-chromosomer, its fair game to ask super intrusive questions about my body. i dont take a lot of shit like that from anyone so it's been fun being confrontational and making everyone as uncomfortable as they've made me, but i am totally amazed by one thing in particular. i cannot believe the number of people who have said, in so many words, that i'll totally have children when i end up accidentally pregnant, because thats what happened to them. and in my head i'm like seriously? even if a sperm magically burst through the thick, seasonique-fortified shell of one of my eggs, the baby would undoubtedly turn out a mutant due to the massive amounts of hash, painkillers, and funyuns running through my system. i'm so completely irresponsible that getting an abortion would top the list of the most responsible things i've ever done.

but no, everyone is pulling for the hypothetical mutant baby.... get a life, jerks

wubbie's birthday!!

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 22:41:25 GMT

right after bob and i started dating [may 2k5], he got a basset hound. he was a TOTAL pain in the ass when he was a puppy - lots of energy, really loud, and dumb as a rock. seriously, wubs went through this period where he loved eating paper and wood and plastic and barking endlessly and it felt like we had a big ugly toddler who wouldnt shut up.

after we started getting serious bob kept telling me that wubbie was part mine, but i was always fairly ambivalent towards him - he was cute but smelly, i wasnt super into it. and then i moved in with bob and now i spend a lot of time alone during the day, watching movies i tivoed and looking for jobs on craigslist. who did i have to hang out with? only mister wubbalino!

i went from liking him, to loving him, to loving the shit out of him. he's my pal for life. i fucking hate when people refer to him as mine and bob's "son" or say i'm his "mommy", isnt that like the creepiest thing ever? he's my buddy, my achondroplastic furry buddy. he looks kinda like a walrus, kinda like a dinosaur, but he's all cute.

and today he's three years old! happy birthday wubbie!!

oh yeah

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:51:15 GMT

i moved in with bob. it sounds like a big deal but it isnt really.

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 19:33:49 GMT

the other night i dreamt that my mother and i let all the feral cats that live in the backyard into her house. eventually we discovered that the cats could talk, and the cats were going around my parents' home and discussing how they wanted to decorate their own homes the same way my mother and father have decorated theirs. and then i woke up and thought, "god ashley, how lame are you, dreaming of talking cats?"

my love for you is never-ending

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 20:35:51 GMT

bob and i are watching commercials on food network

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 18:55:27 GMT

me: is "spice hunter" the same thing as "milf hunter?"

bob: yeah, except when the spice hunter finds a spice he doesnt fuck it in the back of a schoolbus

MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 23:56:56 GMT

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 08:19:55 GMT

my sister works as a mortician at a jewish cemetary in LA. she recently moved to koreatown. its kind of ghetto but she's lived in a trailer in the san joaquin valley before, so i think she can handle an apartment in the mid-wilshire.

this store is around the corner from her new apartment:

best pet shop ever. the dog in the center with the tiara is fucking incredible

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 07:03:05 GMT

me: ok, i know its bad, but preemies and stillborns both look like beef jerky to me. im sorry but its true
caridad: no its true!!!
caridad: their skin is all wierd and leathery almost but still red and juicy.
caridad: tender too
me: like straight dried meat
me: like cowboys should be carrying them in the saddlebags of their horses when theyre out in the west
caridad: eeewwww
caridad: haha.
caridad: oh god
caridad: a bagfull of fetuses
caridad: GET ME A BROWN ONE
me: i wonder if you cooked a fetus if you could just eat it whole, like i wonder if the bones are formed enough or you can just chew
me: thats the weirdest thing ive ever thought out loud to someone else
caridad: i believe you can just chew
caridad: but with a slight crunch
me: yeah but not a bone crunch, like a crispy crackling crunch, like a firm onion or something
caridad: yea exactly.
caridad: because the bones are still pretty malleable
me: yeah thats what i was thinking, theyd be more like cartilage
caridad: yea thats what im thinking as well
me: im so happy we're on the same page about eating babies
caridad: yeah im glad too

___________________________________________________________

GUYS CARIDAD IS TOTALLY COMING TO VISIT ME AT THE END OF DECEMBER, I THINK I PEED JUST A LITTLE BIT

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 19:57:51 GMT

VATOS LOCOS FOREVER

ALL YOU FUCKERS BETTER REPLY SO I CAN TELL YOU HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE YOU

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:53:11 GMT

reply to this post, and i will list three things i love about you. maybe more than three. then repost to your own journal and spread the luvs (if you want).

lindsays cat toulouse, dressed up for halloween

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 05:51:31 GMT

fucking insanely cute, y/y?

tl;dr

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:36:00 GMT

you know, i thought i had done a good job of losing contact with all the acquaintances that would get married, leaving me with a solid group of friends who arent ever getting married due to 1. political stances 2. general disinterest in the concept and 3. social retardedness, but i never factored in bob's friends and family. i had to go to two weddings recently and dressing up in black tie formal totally reinforced my feelings on how much i hate dressing up and wearing makeup and how it makes me feel like a bourgeois lackey. i did it all, formal dress, pantyhose, got my hair did, wore makeup for the first time in like 5 years [p.s. totally fucked up my skin, not worth it] and sat around super uncomfortable for six hours.

going to the weddings did make me think about getting married, and maybe 20% of the time i want a wedding because i think it would be fun, but mostly i want to spend the least amount of money possible and do it alone at the courthouse. its a business arrangement, i should just be able to sign a contract and bounce. elopement sounds like a sweet deal too.

if i did have a wedding, the only things i would bridezilla about are

-it has to be inside, i fucking hate being outside for too long
-my dress has to be gold, im not wearing white
-my maid of honor would be cody, except he'd totally be my bro of honor
-no one can throw me any bullshit bridal shower, or they can, i just wont go
-no children, everyone has to be over 21. unless any of my friends are dating teenagers which is possible, so i'd let that slide

plus the only thing that really makes me think my hypothetical wedding would be fun, besides the idea of a party all about me and bob, is because i want to see who would embarass themselves the most. at the extremely formal wedding i went to, the brother of the groom:

-started drinking a case of room temperature beer he was carrying around in a backpack, at 9am [the wedding was at 4pm]
-threw a fit because he was an usher and not the best man
-got cut off at the open bar at the reception twice for being way too hammered
-left the reception, went to his hotel room, changed out of his tux into a hooded sweatshirt and dirty jeans, and came back to the reception
-ended the night by slow dancing with a drunk uninvited cousin of the bride on the otherwise empty dance floor, which quickly turned into pelvic grinding on the dance floor, which turned into making out on the dance floor, which everyone took pictures of

shortly after that, the bride yelled at her cousin for embarassing her, which made the girl run away crying, and daniel took that as his cue to order another drink from a waiter who didnt know he was cut off. it was awesome. if no one did anything comparable at my wedding id be fucking pissed, what would be the point of having a big party if no one embarassed themselves? i hope that maybe one of bobs friends would make out with my 35 year old [she'd be even older if this actually happened, but she still looks mega young] sister, or my rockabilly cousin would drink too much and barf in public, or something amazing like that.

quick recap:

-marriage is a tool of the patriarchy
-i just want a party where i can wear a gold dress
-i wish there was a better picture of larrys brother grinding on that terribly misguided girl

the time period leading up to the civil war

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 16:02:17 GMT

last night in my history class [race, ethnicity & immigration in the united states], which:

- you need prerequisites to take
- had many people who are planning on being history majors
- had many people who have already taken us history, specifically the first part which ends at reconstruction

i was the ONLY PERSON WHO KNEW WHAT "ANTEBELLUM" MEANT

COME ON GUYS

scary movie franchise personal ratings

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 16:27:37 GMT

in order of shittiest to least shittiest:

4. scary movie 3

3. scary movie

2. scary movie 4

1. scary movie 2

scary movie 2 wins for this scene:

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 17:13:52 GMT

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME 50 CENT'S ADDRESS OR PHONE NUMBER SO I CAN BITCH ABOUT HOW THEY DONT REGULARLY STOCK MY FAVORITE VITAMIN WATER IN ANY OF THE SIX GROCERY STORES IN TWO TOWNS THAT I FREQUENT

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 16:12:02 GMT

i got a pap yesterday and the dctor said my cervix looked AWESOME!!!!

spotted at 99 cent only in hayward

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:46:12 GMT

she caused a small commotion. at least for us. we took pictures with a cell phone.

srsly i dont even know. at all.

65"

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:30:54 GMT

GUYS I MEASURED MY HEIGHT AND IM TOTALLY AN INCH TALLER THAN I THOUGHT I WAS

cereal solves everything

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 02:32:46 GMT

this is my cousin wes, he pretty much rules

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 17:24:25 GMT

i went to a baseball game on sunday. the giants lost and barry didnt even hit any home runs. i sunburnt my shins and the top of my left tit, and ate a churro that wasnt nearly as good as the ones from costco.

and the boobie patrol sat in front of me:

does anyone know what this means, because i totally do not

chrs pk txt mssg

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:59:53 GMT

chris: i'm gonna send you a pic of what i did last winter.

chris:

chris: i went around and put penises on snowmen